Just asking: Wasn’t God about love, mercy, treating everyone the same?

As age raises multiple walls between God and me, of disillusionment, the receding promise of a better tomorrow, lost innocence, scepticism, I have struggled to hold on to God

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Last week, against the column for religion in a form, my son and I filled “agnostic”. It was official. As statues were planned and temples returned to drawing boards, 2018 was the year “God” diminished further for me.

You could say God and I have had a passing acquaintance. It was renewed most often during annual holiday visits to Vaishno Devi, but the climb to the shrine, 25-odd years ago, was more about all-night adventures with cousins through the hills, which reverberated with enthusiastic chants to the goddess every time pilgrims crossed each other down the path. The glimpse of her idol itself lasted no more than a second, as rude priests herded one along, and hence we looked forward more to a langar and being feted on returning home by elders for the “pilgrimage”. One time, father took us down a different route on the way down, and in the dead of the night, we ran into a storm and a valley surrounded by hundreds of monkeys. We made our way through in absolute silence. Why do you think the monkeys never attacked? I have always wondered. They say all that is gone now, that the roads to the hill shrine are now paved, with electrical vehicles ferrying more and more people. I haven’t returned to find out.