miércoles, 27 de septiembre de 2017

Regret nothing, especially not motherhood | MercatorNet |September 27, 2017| MercatorNet |

Regret nothing, especially not motherhood

MercatorNet |September 27, 2017| MercatorNet |

Regret nothing, especially not motherhood

Becoming a mother means enriching your identity, not forfeiting it.
Veronika Winkels | Sep 27 2017 | comment 

Apparently, when you are a mother, and finding the role incredibly challenging, you have two options. You can either regret motherhood, as an article published in the Sydney Morning Heraldsuggests some women do. Or you can seek solidarity with other mothers who similarly find their role overwhelming at times.
An article from the BBC reports a delightfully original example of reaching out. Ren Benson left a letter in the nappy section of a supermarket addressed to a new mother. Inspired by her own challenging experience of motherhood, she wanted to pass on a token of encouragement to its recipient. Her attitude was, “this is the time when I need some love – [so] there must be another mother who is feeling this way.”
By contrast, the author of “The Women Who Regret Becoming Mothers” (Dilvin Yasa happens also to be the editor of The Australian Women’s Weekly Ultimate Guide to Divorce) suggests that some women are just not made for motherhood, but that they can’t know this until it is “too late.”
Can the difference between reaching out in solidarity to other struggling mothers, and regretting motherhood altogether be explained by aptitude alone?
Yasa interviews three women who claim to regret becoming mums. The first states, “In my head everything looked like one big nappy cream commercial with a happy, bouncy baby.” But the rude reality check made her resentful: “Suddenly, I was expected to be chained to this little human day and night.”
The second describes how, “prior to motherhood I was a runner – I left jobs when I didn’t want to work there any more and relationships when I no longer felt they were working. Suddenly, here I was in a situation where I couldn’t run.” And so she “became aware I was no longer free, and that quite possibly I had ruined a life that had been pretty great.”
The third relates that, “I dream of the day [the children] are older and have more independence so I can stop being just a mum 24/7 and go back to being me.”
One of these women measured her success this way: “I was the ultimate business woman. I had several phones, a calendar full of meetings and a husband who worked in the same field – although I was just that little bit ahead.”
Perhaps the problem here is attitude rather than aptitude.
The starting point for all the women is the same: motherhood is “really hard,” as Benson, the random letter dropper says. “It is really challenging and there are times when you do feel like you are just on your own and a little bit falling apart.” She’s far from living the nappy cream ad dream.
But, unlike those who claim to regret their children, she has taken the challenge of motherhood head on. And by doing so she has developed her capacity for empathy and altruism, as well as resilience and courage in the face of a really demanding role.
The difference, I think, comes down to the ability to adapt your idea of success and your identity to the choices you have made and the reality of a child who needs your love and care. Even when the mainstream culture retains its inflexible paradigm of success as having several phones and a diary full of meetings.
The regretful mothers have missed the big picture. Admittedly, it is near impossible to keep the big picture in view off three hours of sleep or in the face of an endlessly argumentative toddler. But you only need to remember the logic of your situation once, and then remind yourself thereafter that you held the reason once in your grasp.
Accepting motherhood means enriching your identity, not forfeiting it. It is definitely a shock to the system, but it does not mean putting “who you really are” on the shelf for the next twenty years.
Yes, it’s a development that requires sacrifice. All things worth having do. But push aside the thought that every minute spent feeding baby or getting her to sleep is a minute stolen from pursuing a career.
Instead, take a moment every few hours, even once a day, to dwell on your baby’s sleeping face, or listen to the ridiculously funny things that come out of your toddler’s mouth, or to the keen observations of your seven-year-old.
If you can do that, it doesn’t take long to adapt, and realize: motherhood…good choice.
Veronika Winkels is a freelance writer who lives in Melbourne and is married with two young children. She recently completed a thesis on the philosophy of science.

September 27, 2017

Our lead story today is not focused on current events. It comes from the pen of Professor J. Budziszewski, of the University of Texas at Austin, a philosopher, who laments the inability of many people today to think straight.

He draws on an insight from Hilaire Belloc, the early 20th Century historian and man of letters, who wrote some very perceptive analyses of Western society. Belloc identified mood warriors as the characteristic modern enemy of Christian culture. Mood warriors do not think; they feel. They do not analyse; they emote.

In particular, the media, including social media, “stupefy discussion rather than informing it, submerging the mind rather than elevating it.”

In a day when the most widely read news medium allows just 140 characters for the expression of complex thought, and in which the rulers of the country find this allotment more than ample for their rants, can we doubt it?
This is a topic which could be argued at great length. But Professor Budziszewski’s brief essay is a great introduction to modernity's flight from rational discourse. 

Michael Cook
The empire of mood over mind
By J. Budziszewski
It isn't logic that rules among opponents of the very idea of God.
Read the full article
Investing in what the world’s poor really want: a response to Bill and Melinda Gates
By Nadja Wolfe
The philanthropic couple continue their love affair with birth control.
Read the full article
Jesuits, founders and dukes in the shaping of post-Tridentine music
By Chiara Bertoglio
And the great composers of the Catholic reformation: Palestrina, Zoilo, Victoria…
Read the full article
Regret nothing, especially not motherhood
By Veronika Winkels
Becoming a mother means enriching your identity, not forfeiting it.
Read the full article
Don’t use the flag and national anthem to protest
By Sheila Liaugminas
‘Tis the season to protest in America. The president and sports celebrities take it too far.
Read the full article
Stupid is as stupid does
By Michael Cook
An Australian academic knows why you don't support 'marriage equality' -- you're dumb
Read the full article
Straight-talking Trump bets on the nation-state at the UN
By Campbell Campbell-Jack
There was more nuance in the President's speech than the media reported
Read the full article
The HPV vaccine and cancer prevention: expert evidence
By Silvia Carlos
Yes, HPV causes cancer. Yes, the vaccine is safe. Its efficacy in preventing cervical cancer remains to be seen.
Read the full article
Is Pope Francis a victim of ‘fake news’?
By Michael Cook
Another salvo in a campaign to paint him as a heretic
Read the full article
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